The Point of This
When I started this wellness journey it was confusing. Not only were the symptoms confusing but also the point of all of this. Why?
Like any frustration there were the tantrums – why cannot I eat chocolate? There was denial – a little bit of champagne won’t hurt. The need to get it sorted – to ‘figure this out’ – to get better. But at the end of the day there was still dinner to contend with.
Then I tried something radical. Radical acceptance in fact. I stopped trying to not have this illness. That is not to say that I still don’t feel that way but those feelings no longer define me. It takes a lot of energy to resist what has already happened and it is pointless.
Acceptance is not surrender to the illness but surrender to the full possibility of my life
Part of acceptance for me has also been about deciding what the point of this is and the point is to fully commit to living my life. To accept my imperfect body without judgment, and accept that to want a different body, is to say that I want a different life. So where I have got to is that I want what my body wants. It is just a self-kind thing to do.
In that regard I have been helped by Jessica Ainscough who has shared her story about survival from a rare form of cancer. She tells her story about being a party girl in her 20s and transforming herself into taking extreme care of herself and learning to love that part of herself that was the most difficult to love (in her case her arm).
My story is not that dis-similar. The place is different. The names are different. The disease is different. But the similarity is that in my 20s I had an amazing life working for Saatchi & Saatchi travelling the world. Wonderful as it was there were simply too many distractions. Somehow I got lost between British Airways First Class and home.
Then it all came crashing down in my 40s and I became gravely ill. That is not to say that if I took better care of myself I would not have gotten sick. It is to say that if I don’t take really good care of myself I become very sick. So you see the worst thing about histamine intolerance is that I have to be self-kind. I have had to learn to be self-kind.
That is the point. This is the point of this blog. This blog is an experiment in self kindness.